Sometimes I like to question people telling me“be yourself and stay true!” Which self are they referring to? My being A who’s quiet, cool and homebody island girl? Or being me as B who’s sarcastic, hot-tempered and a whiner at work? I always stay true, depends on where, and whom I’m taking to… or depends entirely in the mood!
My recent homecoming to my motherland was a bit longer than the previous – two months. Enough time and chances that my two personalities may show up and battle against each other. So I stayed with my family whom I’ve not seen for 6 years. Of course many things have changed between us and I’m not sure if we still know each other or the years have made us strangers in the family.
Before I get there I thought I found the perfect time to take a break from the pressures at work that really brings out my worst personality B. I could put aside my grumpy behavior and being a stickler to policies and proprieties. I don’t want personality B to come with me to where personality A is being loved…
The first day I arrived, there was already a family gathering… the next day too and the day after… There seemed endless karaoke, partying and eating in queue which didn’t give me the time I need to relax.
I started to show a frowning face and a complaining attitude… even rubbing my opinions and ways of certain thing which totally put my parents in daze. My in-laws too who have not known me and who were in the process of knowing me well were present so I need to switch back to personality A like an ‘auto mode’ to show the soft-spoken, mature and meek character of A… (must be done to save my family and husband’s reputation that-kind-of-thing !)
Arrghhh… I don’t want to think I am two-faced. I just live in two different worlds and must conform to each lifestyle.
Then these worlds collide because of a certain situation… difficult! Stressful!
Personality A, when in the island-province, is usually quiet and prefers to read books, go to the beach than shop and party with friends. She likes to make her hands dirty in the garden and fertilize the roses and orchids and cook Filipino food that she missed while she was away…
Then some voice in my head: were you just too keen to get a time for yourself that you did not give your family and relatives enough time to be with you..?
Hmmm… is there personality C talking? The thinker, the self-adviser?
Shake my head and dismiss the idea!
Since I’m back at work personality A only shows up when I’m at home or out of work. Personality B is in constant complaining of inconsistencies, discrimination and other stuff!
And right now personality C is saying to me: You’re just being true to yourself!
Yah, there’s personality C. Right here, whispering in my head!